Proving that nothing really lasts forever, Yahoo has been sold and yet another internet OG has come crashing down. Everyone form a prayer circle and have a moment of silence, because 2016 is hellbent on taking everything we once held dear. Things will never be the same again.
Yes, this was a long time coming. The writing’s been on the wall for years. It’s been a slow slide downhill for poor, purple Yahoo since Google, that precocious little upstart, burst on the scene and started gaining ground in the early aughts. I barely use my account anymore and probably check my Yahoo e-mail twice a year, but once upon a time Yahoo was the first site I would go to whenever I got online.
I haven’t thought about Pokémon in years. It’s never been a thing for me, probably because I couldn’t summon the energy to really delve deep into the kind of lore that gave its characters names like Squirtle or Charmander. (Look at me, fronting like I’m all highbrow and shit.) Besides, kids back then had already been playing with real pocket monsters for years; it was common to catch spiders (damang), keep them in matchboxes and, at recess, unleash them to lip sync for their life battle for supremacy. It was like American Gladiators, but with bloodthirsty arachnids. What could possibly compare to that?
I am the ideal Netflix customer. When it comes to TV shows I’m into, my thing is to go big or go home. This means I wait till the season ends. I wait for what feels like forever. (Quite a few shows I follow have thirteen episodes at most, so ten to thirteen weeks, but really, forever.) Then when the season ends and all the episodes are available, I ensure I’m fully hydrated, there’s food stockpiled – Cheetos counts, right? – and go incommunicado for a whole weekend, emerging for air only after everything is done. I devour a TV show the way Galactus devours worlds.
I laughed because this time you included the lyrics, so I don’t get to say #anodaw. How thoughtful of you! You are the sweetest. Reading the lyrics made it seem better as prose than as a song. Maybe it was just a shade too slow for me. It gives Michael Learns To Rock a run for its money. Is Enemy by Angel Olsen your song of defiance for Salo Who Must Not Be Mon-ed?